I honestly don't know why I'm complaining about this, because there is really no point, but this just needs to be said.


Paranormal Activity is pure garbage. $15,000 human excrement.


It's the reason why we can't have nice things.


Riddle me this:

This film can be promoted by a million 12 year olds to be played in their citys' theatres, but a gorgeous cinematic achievement created by a Master of his craft, Hayao Miyazki can't even be seen in HALF of the country.


Real good, huh? Real good.


On the flip side, EVERYONE should see 9.

I cried my eyes out.


What a hopelessly depressing film. It's golden. <3





In other news:
Obtained:
-40+ sheets of Bristol paper
-Brand new 12 pack of Cool Grey markers
-1,500 page Human/animal skeletal/musculature anatomy catalog

Guess I'm going to start drawing again? <3

L and I had such a marvelous Christmas, even if some of the circumstances were not in our favor.

I talked to my Mom for a long time on the phone last night.
We were crying and sobbing together, through our broken hearts.
I love her.
I love my family so much.
Living with...half a heart is very difficult. On all of us.


I find it hard to relate to people my age.
One of the major reasons for this is that most people I know in their 20's either loathe their parents, have terrible relationships with them, or just plain want to be away and on their own.

I don't...understand any of that.
And I don't think I ever will. And I never want to.

The loneliness is too vast.
To...unconquerable. Even laying in bed with my husband can't soothe my aching heart on some terrible nights.
I want to be with my family forever.
I want to be close to them.
I want to be in...touching distance.

I have no shame in saying I will probably live with my parents for the rest of my life.
The thought of it brings me more joy than almost...anything.
And pride.
And love.
I am proud and full of love of and for my family.

My Brother is my best friend.
The person I would do anything for, at the drop of hat.
Abandon everyone and everything for.
Without regret.

He means more to me than my own well-being.

I love him more than I could ever love myself.

And that's not just a phrase. That's not a statement.
That is me knowing from the moment I saw him open his eyes as an infant that my life meant nothing without him in it.
He defined me.
And gave me the largest of human hearts.
And that I would sacrifice my own life if it meant he could live.

I love him that much.
More than.
More than...I can attempt to convey to anyone.


That's why the Holidays are so hard...being this far away.
Our voices are the heartbeat.
And the...life-support in our veins.

I need to know they are...more than just there.
I need to hear them.

That's why I also...made the plan for next year.
So the five of us could be together.

Because I need to know...that....you are more than just there.
I need to hear you.
See you.
Touch you.
Feel you.
...Love you.

I need you to know these things.
And we need to know each-other in every way...a person can know.



....Mmrmrmr...<3 <3 <3



Christmas is just such a wonderful time.
I love watching the expressions of my Beloved when he opens my gifts for him.
This year it was a huge Yuko (xxxHolic) wall-scroll to replace the Chi I sold to Beth.
L was so...devastated to let her go.
And it hurt me...so much.

So I got him something even better.
His most favorite Time-Witch~




I also got him a magazine about her. <3

We received SO many GORGEOUS/AWESOME/THOUGHTFUL gifts, including:
-Rocko's Modern Life/Doug/Queen t-shirts.
- a charm bracelet
- A leather-bound sketchbook/journal embossed with turquoise...Ohmy. I can't wait to draw in it...My parents know me best!
- The Godfather, Memento, The Hangover and Year One on Blu-ray
- EFFING LADY GA GA CD. IloveLadyGaGa
- The NEW Cute Book! EEE! Now I can sew HUGE stuffed Sheepies and Pandas!
- Japanese toys, including BEBE HAMSTERS
- stuffed Unicorn
- I received a BEAUTIFUL new shirt that kinda...looks like a Yuko outfit!
It has a criss-cross collar that reveals a huge diamond of flesh above my chest...! <3 <3
Picture will be up tomorrow!
- L received a STUNNING jacket...Oh God, he is so gorgeous. It must have cost SOMUCH! ...!
- A 5 pound gallon of 100% pure Vermont Maple Syrup
- Maple canddddy
- A holy water infused, shaman blessed, hand-crafted by my Father, Vampire-killing stake. We have alot of trouble with Vampires, if you didn't already know.
- A few deer vertebrate bones
- KNEE HIGH SOCKS, perfect for Lolita! <3
- a belt
- Special socks for L, since he only wears a certain kind
- NUTELLA
- Kitty ears from Abby...!
- Kyra got Photoshop! Awesome! <3
- Traveling purses
- All Rachel's wonderful gifts. Including HELLO KITTY, MT. FUJI, ARTWORK, LOVE and the ring. Our wedding band. <3 I said Yes. <3
- foreign candy
- $60 Red Robin gift-card
- $50 gift card for Michael's
- $50 Visa gift card
- $100 Visa gift card
- $25 gift card

I'm still waiting for my pink, sweet Lolita dress to get here.
And my parents said their sending me $100 this Friday.
...I don't want to accept it. Maybe I can smuggle it back to them! <3

Now I want to sleeeeeeppppp!




Rachel.
At Derrick's aunt's house they were playing Lego RockBand tonight.

Dig by Incubus was one of the songs.

I sang it until the tears ran out of my eyes, and blood from my aching heart was coming into my throat.
I love you.
I love you this much.
....This much.

...I am completely in love with you.
Swallowed up by you.

I touched every piece of paper to my skin and to my lips.
And I was with you.

I want to cry.
I want you...to...
Stand on my doorstep with nothing but your aching (with love) heart.
Like when I stood on yours in the rain.

These dreams are becoming reality.


I will never take this ring off.
Nothing will pry it from my fingers.

You are my everything, Rachel.
My every wish.
My every desire.
I will never stop loving you....!


You have made me happier than...any person in the Universe.
I belong to you. <3



...Ah...ah!

We love you so.
So much I can...barely contain it anymore.




------
TO MY COMMISSIONERS:

All of the commissions are sketched and on their way to being finished!
The only thing left for me to do is buy Bristol paper, transfer them and color the remaining few!
Depending on when I can get to the store, most likely tomorrow, I should have them scanned by Christmas Eve!

You can all have a wonderful Christmas gift!

I just want to thank you all for being so patient with me.
This has been such a trying time with the move back, my Uncle passing away and my lack of supplies and motivation.
I can not thank you enough for your support and your trust in me!

I will never take it for granted! Thank you! <3

I couldn't just let myself...make you all some kind of half-assed attempt at art while I was depressed.
I will never let myself disappoint a commissioner or friend.
So I know it's taken a while, but I can atleast present you all with art I can be proud of. <3

<3 <3

Skyping for four hours with Derrick, Amber, Jenny-bean and Andrew.

JENN. I EFFING COULDN'T TALK AFTER WE GOT OFF.
I laid in the bed and watched, lol, Benchwarmers. It was awesome. <3

I just love Nick Swardson...He is just my effing favorite.

James and I are going to eat Pizza Hut pizza INSIDE a Pizza Hut...because it's just better that way.
It's a scientific fact.


<3


I hadn't been as happy as I was last night....than I was in months.
It was perfection.

I just love you, Jennifer.



DERRICK IS TEAM JACOB, LOL. WHAT THE FUCK.


FREAKS OF COCK.